I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good

[alt_hydra]

Sally Anne and I paid Professor Dolohov a visit yesterday afternoon. We said I wanted to do some summer reading on poisons and antidotes and asked to borrow some books. Well, that's what Sally Anne says we asked him - I don't actually remember the conversation at all, I only remember what I saw when I legilimised him.

First off, it's hard to me to say whether what I saw were his actual memories, or things he was just imagining. I don't really know how to tell the difference. There are a few I am fairly sure are actual memories because they seemed to have a lot of emotion attached to them.

One of them is about some of us. He does remember hexing and duelling us, and he feels horrified about it. I saw me and Justin and Sally Anne, and the masks we were wearing were flickering like candlelight, which doesn't mean that the masks were actually flickering, I think it's just the moment where he figured out who we were. I don't think he realises that Hermione was the other one he hexed, though.

And then there's a part that wasn't a memory, I think, but imagining. He petrified Sally Anne and took off her mask and said "what are you doing here?"

So, he wants to know what we were doing.

And then I saw some imaginings about Hector and Arista - running through the forest, hiding under a bed and inside a cupboard. Disappearing into a door in the floor. I think he's desperate to know what we did with them. But even so, I could feel that he doesn't want to ask, because he doesn't want to act on what the answer is. It didn't stop him from thinking about it more, though. He wondered if they might be at Pansy's house, or somewhere at Malfoy Manor.

Then it changed a bit and became more solid, into a memory. He had his wand outstretched and Mr Selwyn was on the ground in front of him. He felt very powerful and cruel and he liked it. I think he was cruciating Mr Selwyn, maybe worse. Only it was strange because there was regret there, too. I don't know how someone can feel regretful and powerful and cruel all at once but he did. And Mr Selwyn was gasping and in pain and could barely speak, but he managed to and he said that he would give Professor Dolohov his library, that he was the best person to have his books, and then he asked him, if he could, to protect his children, to not let them pay for his mistakes. And then Professor Dolohov told him that the best way to protect his children was to cooperate. Mr Selwyn sort of turned away and closed his eyes, then, like he was waiting for it to start all over again.

And the whole time, the Lord Protector's new horrible face would sort of float into the vision, but then it would go away. And sometimes I would see it and hear Mr Selwyn's voice at the same time, saying that "we're all playthings to be broken." I think Professor Dolohov is trying not to think about the Lord Protector and what Mr Selwyn said.

Well, it was really an awful lot more confusing than I've just made it sound, but that's how I've made sense of it. Also, somewhere in there he thought about how he had to use the loo, but I don't think that's important.

Comments

[alt_sally_anne]

So he knows Draco and Pansy were there, or at least he thinks they were since he's imagining Arista and Hector hidden in their houses, but he's not imagining Arista and Hector with Mrs Weasley so probably he doesn't know Ron was there.

Because really, if you had to guess 'who'd hide a little kid' wouldn't Mrs Weasley be your first guess?

Hydra do you think he let us get away because he wanted us to save Hector and Arista? If he did then why did he almost kill me? I would swear he did NOT know it was me when we crossed wands. And why is he imagining taking off my mask? UGH.

[alt_sally_anne]

And thank you.

I could tell that was really hard on you. You looked so sick afterward, I almost took you to the Hospital Wing.

I wish I thought

Mind reading is a bit less scary now, I have to say. I mean if MLE ever interrogates me I'll know they're interrogating me and I'll use my ring. But I worry sometimes about someone like your Mum just catching my eye and seeing EVERYTHING but actually, probably she'd see me thinking about how I needed to use the loo and where's my quill and what's that I smell for dinner? Most of the time I'm not thinking about how I'm HAPPILY COMMITTING TREASON or whatever.

[alt_justin]

Hullo, Dux,

I say, that explains rather a lot about my careers advice.

I'd asked Professor Sprout to include Professor Brutka, what, because I thought we could talk about the Order and how I could help, when one can more or less assume the Ministry will want me to go round promoting their propaganda machine. I'd planned to ask Professor Sprout to just write down that I was hoping for a minor Ministry posting, perhaps in Communications or something like that.

But Professor Dolohov was there, not Professor Brutka. He spent nearly the whole time asking about my Noble Arts examinations and trying hard to convince me to work with him over the summer before we start N.E.W.T.-level, what, which he seemed to think I should be taking regardless of whether the Ministry would require it or not. It was well disconcerting.

It must be because he had recognised us, what? I mean to say, he's seen us duel in Duelling Club and he's seen our spellwork in lessons all year. And I suppose we I rather gave up the game when I suddenly started to engage him, after you fell, Dux. So perhaps it's not too surprising. It's lucky he's apparently discounted the possibility that Hermione was with us.

I wonder how long he'll be content to trust that Arista and Hector are all right, or before someone makes him start probing deeper. Perhaps if he's given out that they're dead as well, we needn't worry. Still, it's bally well worrisome to consider that the only thing standing between us and a load of uncomfortable questions from Barty sodding Crouch is Professor Dolohov, what!

-Justin

[alt_pansy]

Mr Selwyn really was something else, wasn't he? Saying those things even when he was hurting so badly and knew he was going to die. And trying to do what he did in the first place, too.

I wish I'd known him better.

And it makes sense that he wouldn't want to know where Hector and Arista were, because then he'd have to do something about it.

I'm sorry it gave you a turn, Hydra.

[alt_terry]

I know you struggled with the decision of whether or not to do this, Hydra, but I must say, I do think the risk has paid off really well. You did learn some valuable information. Somewhat reassuring, too: it doesn't sound like he's biding his time before handing you lot over to the Aurors, and now we have a pretty good idea of why.

Still, if his curiosity about what happened to Arista and Hector get to be too strong for him...uh, yeah.

I'm sure you're all watching your step around him.

I've met them both, by the way, and everyone here is doing their best to help them settle in as much as possible. You can tell she's a little freaked out about the sort of people she's around now--the 'M' word, I mean--although at least she's trying to be polite about it. But she warmed up to me more than most, because she's charmed and fascinated by the Professor.