Yes, he said it wasn't fair to me. And it's good that he recognises that but you see, I think that's partly why he's so focused on the idea. I think he just doesn't have any context for caring about a mudblood, so he's confused it with love.
I know it wasn't easy for you to--to adjust to the revelation that Justin was muggleborn, but at least you already cared about him before you knew it. I wasn't sure whether you'd feel betrayed or not but I worried you might. But it gave you concrete proof that you could love someone no matter their birthright. But Draco doesn't have that. He just has the notion that because he finds me clever or good at magic or retentive, or whatever, that it must mean I'm special. And I'm not.
And that's not thinking I'm not worthy of Draco, by the way. That's recognising that what he's reacting to is someone who's not going to back down to him, who isn't impressed with his pedigree or his marks or his looks or anything else. But the problem is that if I turned round and told him I loved him back, he'd lose interest because I wouldn't represent a goal anymore.
And then there's the other part of the problem, which is that I don't love him back. I like him, more than I ever thought possible sometimes, but mostly he's petulant and nasty and entitled. He's brave, though he doesn't want anyone to point that out, and he's clever, but--No. I can't imagine snogging him, or anything.
What I think about.... I don't know. I think I haven't yet met anyone I could imagine being with. Everyone in school is so young but the men in the Order are either way too old or they're already involved with someone. Or both. Or not quite right, somehow. Or--all those things.
And Terry.... You know he tried to kiss me once? On the cheek, to say goodbye. That's how we found out that Mr Weasley had put a cantrip on me to protect me from someone like Ollivander making advances. (Which was awful of him but now I understand why.) Terry's been 'in love with me' for a while. I just don't know how to tell him that I love him but not that way. I think if I'd realised that's how Draco felt, I could have just changed slightly how I treat him, like I have with Terry, just to close the door a little more kindly.
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I know it wasn't easy for you to--to adjust to the revelation that Justin was muggleborn, but at least you already cared about him before you knew it. I wasn't sure whether you'd feel betrayed or not but I worried you might. But it gave you concrete proof that you could love someone no matter their birthright. But Draco doesn't have that. He just has the notion that because he finds me clever or good at magic or retentive, or whatever, that it must mean I'm special. And I'm not.
And that's not thinking I'm not worthy of Draco, by the way. That's recognising that what he's reacting to is someone who's not going to back down to him, who isn't impressed with his pedigree or his marks or his looks or anything else. But the problem is that if I turned round and told him I loved him back, he'd lose interest because I wouldn't represent a goal anymore.
And then there's the other part of the problem, which is that I don't love him back. I like him, more than I ever thought possible sometimes, but mostly he's petulant and nasty and entitled. He's brave, though he doesn't want anyone to point that out, and he's clever, but--No. I can't imagine snogging him, or anything.
What I think about.... I don't know. I think I haven't yet met anyone I could imagine being with. Everyone in school is so young but the men in the Order are either way too old or they're already involved with someone. Or both. Or not quite right, somehow. Or--all those things.
And Terry.... You know he tried to kiss me once? On the cheek, to say goodbye. That's how we found out that Mr Weasley had put a cantrip on me to protect me from someone like Ollivander making advances. (Which was awful of him but now I understand why.) Terry's been 'in love with me' for a while. I just don't know how to tell him that I love him but not that way. I think if I'd realised that's how Draco felt, I could have just changed slightly how I treat him, like I have with Terry, just to close the door a little more kindly.