I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good

[alt_hydra]

I spoke with my cousin, and she and Mr Ponds will be happy to have the new Tea Appreciation club meet at the cafe on Wednesday. She says that the biscuits are nice, but the tea is just ordinary (but when was the last time you had your tea poured by someone with purple hair? I know it's only happened to me just the once.)

She seemed a little bit worried about how big the group would be, so we might not want to make it an open invitation for everyone. Maybe we can do something like Daphne does, and say "there's only room for X number of people." Or I suppose it could just be whoever can make it from the lock, plus Remy, plus Harry and Draco... if you think they would want to come along, Pansy.

What do the rest of you think?

Comments

Private Message to Hydra

[alt_pansy]

I'm sorry. I don't think we'll be making tea.

I've been talking to him. It's not that he doesn't want to get to know Mr and Mrs Ponds -- not exactly. I think he just feels it'd be a bit awkward with a crowd of people. I think he's worried it'd come off as... well, almost like it'd be disingenuous of him. He hasn't been writing and visiting them like you have, you know. And he can get a bit stiff around people he doesn't know as well to begin with.

He told me that if it were just you, me, him, and Harry, it'd be different.

Re: Private Message to Hydra

[alt_hydra]

Yes, he told me the same thing.

I suppose I hadn't thought of him feeling awkward, but I can see now that he does. I think Aunt Narcissa and Uncle Lucius have raised him to give a lot of thought about what impression he's making, both to people of his own station and those who aren't.

Whereas I was raised not to worry about what other people think, but to just focus on serving Our Lord, because only his impression matters.

Re: Private Message to Hydra

[alt_pansy]

Sometimes I wish he was a bit more easy around people that aren't in his normal social circles. I've found it to be rewarding more often than not. I mean, there's a cost, of course, there always is, but it's been worth it.

What do you think now? About his impression?

Re: Private Message to Hydra

[alt_hydra]

I don't know, I think he's just trying to be the way most people expect him to be.

I'm not sure what you're asking me? What do I think about the impression he makes on others? Or on me?

Re: Private Message to Hydra

[alt_pansy]

I think so too. That can be awfully limiting sometimes, can't it?

I guess I was asking about the impression he makes on you.

But if that's the sort of question you'd rather not answer, I understand.

Re: Private Message to Hydra

[alt_hydra]

Draco is spoiled. Auntie Narcissa always gave him everything he ever wanted, but I think it was maybe to make up for the fact that he's been held responsible for Harry since they were both young.

I think he's worked hard to create a public image of himself, you know, of everything Draco Malfoy is supposed to embody, because it helps. His parents have been threatened before, and I know that Draco himself has been cruciated - by the Lord Protector himself, I think.

I think he must hate the Lord Protector, because you can't be afraid of someone for years and years and not have at least a part of you start to hate them.

But his status in the Protectorate might make him feel safe and secure. I know that my status makes me feel secure sometimes, too, and then I feel bad about it because it's not a status that everyone has. Like Sally Anne and Luna, for example. It's the same for Justin, because he has status that Hermione and Terry don't have. But feeling bad about it doesn't really change anything, so I try to ignore it.

And I try to remind myself that status doesn't really protect anyone here, not really. I don't know if Draco has realised that yet, though. You're probably in a better position to find out than I am.

Re: Private Message to Hydra

[alt_pansy]

I worry sometimes that I don't fit that image. And that he'll come to his senses and we'll be through. I've even told him as much, but he doesn't agree.

We've talked about status quite a bit, actually. About how people in the middle, like MacMillan and Smith and Brown and the Patils, how they have the best of it, and don't have to worry, but how being at the top, being so close to Him, how it can be really dangerous. After all, he's seen it first hand. As has Harry.

He doesn't feel safe and secure. Far from.

I came up with a plan to give our counselling money back to the CCF, mine and Harry's and Draco's, but Draco wanted to keep his, because he wasn't sure if he could depend on his family's money. Because he worries it might get taken away. On top of all the worries he has about Harry. He worries about Hermione too. Quite a lot, actually.

I think he hates being afraid, and he also hates not knowing what to do about it. But it's also scary to think about the alternative too.

Re: Private Message to Hydra

[alt_hydra]

If he's worried about his family's money being taken away, well, he must be worried that the Lord Protector would do it. Because who else would be able to?

He's better at pretending everything's fine than I realised.

And If he's worried about his family, then I can see him being extra-careful about his image right now, and making sure he's doing the appropriate thing.

Only I'm not sure what image it is that you don't think you have. I guess you might mean that you're not as worried about what people think of your actions as he is?

I don't know. I do sometimes worry about what people will think, not because of what it will mean for me, but more because of what it means for people I care about. It probably helps that people who don't know me, don't really know what to make of me. Or else they're maybe afraid of me because of who my Mother is. So if they see me doing something, like going to a dodgy tea shop in Camden, they probably think I'm spying for Mummy or something. I suppose no one would ever imagine that Auror Lestrange's daughter could be anything but absolutely, positively loyal.

And really, I want to make sure that they keep thinking that way, because I think it's probably better if they do.

Re: Private Message to Hydra

[alt_pansy]

Well. There was that queen of the scumbloods... thing. That was a pretty clear sign that some people think I've stepped out of my place. And there's his parents. His mother has never liked me much, and Lucius has been very distant about our being together.

The message I get from all that is that I'm not good enough. But I never get that from him. Which is something. Which is everything, really.

I can see what you mean about wanting to keep people on their toes, so they don't know what to think. How that might be best. But it must get rather tiresome. And lonely.

I'm glad you have Justin. So you don't have to be that way to everybody. And you have us too.