Private message to Effs

[alt_hydra]

I didn't sleep last night.

I'm sorry if I was distant yesterday. I'm not cross at all, but everything feels so surreal.

I've always felt a bit apart from everything, you see. There's the way that I was raised, with Mummy being who she is, and how she is. After what happened in first year, it was even worse. It seemed like I lived in one world, and everyone else was in a different world - I could see them, but they were behind glass. Or perhaps I was the one behind glass.

That's how I felt yesterday, with the feeling stronger than ever. It doesn't make me sad, but it is strange. And I know you've said I'm not the only one who knows, but I'm the only one here who knows, and it feels so lonely. But then I remember that you must feel that too, only far, far stronger, and I scold myself for being selfish.

And now the lie seems so stupid. Who would know the difference? Why would the difference ever matter? It only mattered because they said that it did.

I'm to go riding with Auntie Narcissa in a bit, and I just know that the whole time I'll be thinking, 'oh, how can you be so foolish? How can such things even matter to you, when you're so beautiful and have the best of everything?'

People make no sense to me, you see, so I think the only solution is to do something drastic. Maybe I might join a herd of unicorns and live with them someday. Do you think they'd accept me? Or there's always the centaurs. I should start studying divination, so I can fit in and be useful.

And you, I'd ask you to go with me, but I still think it would be better if you returned to France. Even if I would miss you terribly, at least I would know you were well and safe.

From,
Hydra

Comments

[alt_justin]

Hullo, Dux.

I'm sorry to have cost you sleep. I don't wish you to worry; I know it's a big decision but everyone here has been extraordinarily kind, much more than in France, even, what?

I say, I'm well glad that you don't think it ought to matter. But we should perhaps talk about it more when we're alone, what? So we can plan properly.

The thing is, I know that going back would be the simple thing to do. But one feels one can make a difference here, what, where there is little one could do on the Continent that seems of any consequence. Or at least in comparison to the possibilities here, like Mr Rosier outlined.

Besides, if I stayed, perhaps you shouldn't have to feel so alone all the time, even among your family. Even if that's the only difference I do make, what, it seems like that ought to be worth the sacrifices.

Oh, I say, if you're going to see your Aunt, I wonder if-- Sorry, nevermind that last. I had a thought about your Aunt but perhaps it's not altogether prudent, what?

I'm not sure living among unicorns is an entirely practical solution, however, what? But you're of use to me, anyway, and I can well see how you'd be of use bally well anywhere you like. I think there's loads to be said for someone who's strong but kind, thoughtful, serene and calm. And you are all that, dearest. I suppose you'd have to be, with your mother being, as you said, how she is. You'd come out of it either remarkably stalwart or completely barking, what?

Speaking of which, how bad has it been?

-Justin