Hydra Lestrange Finch-Fletchley

Hullo.

I'm not going to ask if you're alright, and I'm not going to tell you it will be alright.

This is the worst thing that's ever happened to you, and it's happened less than a week after the other worst thing that's ever happened to you. This is the most helpless, terrified, and small that you have ever felt. All you thought you could withstand, all the tests you've gone through, none of it prepared you for this horrible weight.

If I were with you, I'd be able to feel it. I'd take some of it away, if I could, if it would help. I'm not the only one who would do that for you, either.

I love your parents. Uncle Lucius - well, not the way Pansy loves him, but he's been in my life since I can remember. And your mother is, in some ways, the only mother I've ever known. I don't want bad things to happen to them.

But when I joined the Order, I had to accept bad things. I knew that I might have to fight your parents, and mine, see them arrested, see them killed. Maybe even kill them myself. And I was ready - I am ready. But maybe you thought you were ready, too.

Bad things have been here all along, we've never been able to hide from them, and I don't think we can never really be ready for them, either... You must have felt so safe, with love like your parents'. They told you everything - the whole world - would be yours. I wish they had told you the truth.

The whole world can still be ours, but it won't come without a price. Just like your parents' love didn't come without a price. They would never accept the son they have now, if they knew him like I do. They wouldn't accept me. But that's not my fault, and it's not yours. They made their choices long ago, and you and I made different ones.

I know some people think I joined the Order for Justin. I didn't. I did it for me.

Don't worry about what the Order wants, and don't worry about what your parents want. What do you want for yourself, and what inside yourself do you hold most dearly?

Hold on to that. I promise that tomorrow, you'll still have it.

My Mother knows that I'm a legilimens.

I suppose the good news is that she thinks I've only just now discovered that I am one, but the other bad news is that it's my own fault that she knows. I had to tell her because I accidentally legilimized Auntie Narcissa when we were out shopping yesterday. You see, I thought she was speaking out loud to me, and since I haven't had something like that happen to me in a while, I responded to her.

Well, Auntie Narcissa started asking me how long I've been hearing people's thoughts like that, and I lied and said it had only happened a few times with people I'm close with, like Remy and Justin. I did not tell her that Mummy didn't know, but of course I knew Aunt Narcissa would probably bring it up with her eventually, so I pretended to be a little sad and embarrassed that my gift was so weak and pitiful. I hoped she would gather that I didn't want to talk about it, but maybe that was a bad thing to hope for, since it might have been the reason why she brought it up with Mummy.

Maybe I should have just told her I was keeping it a secret from Mummy until I was really, really good, because I wanted to impress her, and make her so proud that she'd let me marrybe nice to me. Auntie Narcissa might have agreed to keep it a secret, too. She's always tried to help me when things get difficult with Mummy.

I suppose that's why it's easy for me to slip up around her. She's always felt safe.

Anyway, while I was getting ready for bed last night, a Malfoy house elf popped over and gave me a note from Auntie, warning me that Mummy would be coming to ask me about my legilmency. I decided that I would ask Mummy about it, first, so she would think I had only just figured out what was happening to me. I'm not entirely sure she believed me - it can be hard to tell, with her - but she seemed to accept it.

Trouble is, now she's very excited to discover how skilled I am, and says that I might finally "be useful." She wants me to work with Auror Penderyn over the summer, and says that if I prove skilled enough, she might want to take over my training herself!

I wish there were some way to make her think I was a bad legilimens, but I don't think that any such thing exists. They're so uncommon to begin with, especially those who have it manifest on its own.

I'm sorry to let you all down. I wanted to use my legilimency to help us, not her.

Mummy,

I don't know if you saw, but in my weekly owl to you I mentioned that the applications for the CCF programme are due on Monday.

And I know that you said you might want me to do something different from CCF this summer, like perhaps spend time with Aunt Narcissa, and learn things from her about marriage, hostessing, and fashion and such.

But I was thinking maybe I could still apply for CCF, only I would write my letter to Aunt Narcissa about how I aspire to be like her one day. I know that Aunt Narcissa isn't an Auror or on the Council, but if CCF had been around when she was at school, she would have probably been involved, wouldn't she? That's the essence of who she is, really - she's always sure to be involved in everything important and everything that matters. So if I'm to be like her, then maybe I should do the same?

From,
Hydra

Dear cousin Dora,

I've just come down from studying in the library and I'm trying to finish my Christmas gifts so that I can send out parcels tomorrow or Thursday.

I wanted to say that I'm sorry, but, I wasn't keeping close watch and I ran out of pocket money before I could buy gifts for just everyone. I really wanted to get something for you and your husband and especially Bea, but besides not having much money I didn't know what would be the right sort of gift to send.

But I think I found something, so I hope you don't mind second-hand. Or that Bea doesn't mind, rather. And I know gifts are meant to be a surprise but in this case I thought I should explain.

I wanted Bea to have my rabbit sing-ami that Auntie Narcissa and Uncle Lucius gave me last year. I still like it but, I don't know, I feel like I don't need toys anymore, and that was the year Auntie Narcissa gave me Lady Primrose, besides, so I don't think she'll mind if I give away my sing-ami.

And then the other two things are Tex, the origami rabbit my friend Sally Anne made for me in first year, and then Tina, my old rabbit robe pet. Tex disappeared and I forgot all about him, but then when I was looking for my spare quill in the desk last night I found him, smashed up in the corner of the drawer. I've straightened him out and he looks good as new. The spell on Tina stopped working a long time ago, and since both Tina and Tex are small, Bea might just want to chew on them. Maybe you could tie them to her mobile, if she has one? Or just save them for when she's older.

So you see why I had to explain, because what else would you make of a parcel filled with used toys and things?

I hope you have a Happy Christmas this year.

From,
Hydra

I have several people to send well-wishes to.


Congratulations to the two Hogwarts Champions for the Tri-Wizard Cup Tournament: Harry Marvolo and Cedric Diggory. Well done and good luck to you both.



Happy Birthday to my Aunt Narcissa. I made a special card and sent it by Owl so I hope that you got it, and I hope that you had a wonderful day.



And thank you to Teddy, who saved me the last roll and plum tart at the feast last night.



That's all.

My birthday was very lovely, and thank you to everyone who sent me well-wishes or gifts.
I've never gotten so many as I did this year, and some were from people I've not even met, so I think that they must know Mummy or have heard of her, anyway.
We were going to have luncheon in the garden but ended up moving it inside because Mummy thought it looked like rain and didn't want my hair to get mussed.
It was in curls, and it doesn't hold curls very well to begin with but especially not when it's damp out.
The meal was very good, but I couldn't eat because I was so nervous for tea with our Lord.
We let Rigel have a slice of cake, and he tossed it all over the curtains, which made everyone laugh, and then Pascoal sang a song in his native language and made a face when we tried to sing along and got the words all wrong.
Aunt Narcissa gave me beautiful robes that are dark blue with pink trim, and she and Mummy decided that I should wear them to tea instead of what Kosette sent over.
I didn't put them on until after lunch because I didn't want them to get dirty.
And then Mummy flooed with me to Buckingham Palace and she led me to a room I'd never been to before and I thought she would come in with me but she didn't.
So I knocked and He said to come in.
I thought we would take tea in a dining room or drawing room, but Buckingham is big enough to have a room just for private tea with our Lord, and there was a little cool fire in the grate and a glossy table with elegant chairs, and the Lord was sat in one of them and He said the other one was for me.
It was a chair that was smaller than His, and I wondered if it was the one Harry sat in, and when I asked Him that He said yes, and that I was clever to figure that out.
I thought that the Lord would ask me about Mummy, or Daddy, maybe, but He mostly wanted to chat about school and Hogwarts.
There was a cup of lovely smelling tea in front of me the whole time but I couldn't even think to drink it until He reminded me that it was getting cold, and when I did have a sip it was the nicest tea I ever had, it warmed me all over but not too much, and it was very sweet just the way I like, and I felt much more calm after that.
He wanted to know more about me, then, and I didn't know what to tell Him, so He said I should tell Him whatever came to mind and that I didn't need to try and impress Him but that I should just be myself.
So I told Him that I like to read, and described the plot of my favourite books, and it must have been a very boring thing for Him to listen to but He didn't act as if it was, and He said that maybe the next time we have tea, we can talk more about books.
He wants me to come to tea again this Saturday, so I guess I must not have done too many things wrong?
Daddy gave me a new baby bunny for a pet, but I haven't named him yet.
I suppose it ought to be a name that begins with T, though.