Private message to Effs

[alt_hydra]

I didn't sleep last night.

I'm sorry if I was distant yesterday. I'm not cross at all, but everything feels so surreal.

I've always felt a bit apart from everything, you see. There's the way that I was raised, with Mummy being who she is, and how she is. After what happened in first year, it was even worse. It seemed like I lived in one world, and everyone else was in a different world - I could see them, but they were behind glass. Or perhaps I was the one behind glass.

That's how I felt yesterday, with the feeling stronger than ever. It doesn't make me sad, but it is strange. And I know you've said I'm not the only one who knows, but I'm the only one here who knows, and it feels so lonely. But then I remember that you must feel that too, only far, far stronger, and I scold myself for being selfish.

And now the lie seems so stupid. Who would know the difference? Why would the difference ever matter? It only mattered because they said that it did.

I'm to go riding with Auntie Narcissa in a bit, and I just know that the whole time I'll be thinking, 'oh, how can you be so foolish? How can such things even matter to you, when you're so beautiful and have the best of everything?'

People make no sense to me, you see, so I think the only solution is to do something drastic. Maybe I might join a herd of unicorns and live with them someday. Do you think they'd accept me? Or there's always the centaurs. I should start studying divination, so I can fit in and be useful.

And you, I'd ask you to go with me, but I still think it would be better if you returned to France. Even if I would miss you terribly, at least I would know you were well and safe.

From,
Hydra

Comments

[alt_hydra]

It was very brave, what you did. Things being what they are. It means a lot to know that you made a decision to trust me.

I've just got back from riding a bit ago. I really enjoy spending time with Auntie Narcissa, but yes, if it's nothing to do with someone she knows or someone she cares about, then it's probably best not to bring her into it. Maybe you should just speak with P Froissart?

Is someone from Beauxbatons fretting or fussing at you? It almost sounds that way, based on what you've written. Is someone having a problem? It's nothing too pressing, I hope.

I hadn't even thought about snogging and unicorns. I thought that the bit about... well, purity was something of a myth. A way to try to keep girls from doing as they please, in a way not much different than, say, a bracelet. I'd know for sure if I was only allowed to take Creatures. Why would a magical beast care about something like that, I wonder? I mean, baby unicorns must come from somewhere, surely?

Mummy and Daddy used to row a lot more than they do now. Now it feels as if they almost lead separate lives, barely acknowledging each other unless it's about me or about Rigel. But no, they would never publicly separate. Image and standing is just too important - in which case they probably ought to get better at pretending, at least, because I can't imagine that they're fooling anyone.

And no, that won't EVER be us. I mean, it can't be, if you see what I mean, and even if we fought, I can't see it going like that.

From,
Hydra

[alt_justin]

Was it? I didn't think of it as brave so much as only fair.

It's nothing too pressing and yes, I shall get help if we need it. But no, no one's fussing at me, per se, simply...fussing in my vicinity, if you follow me. Truly, it's fine. I suppose I'm merely a bit on edge, I expect it's the end of holidays that's doing it, what.

Perhaps they don't care to fool anyone, what--though then I should think it also wouldn't matter if they separated. After all, you've two homes already (or is it more than two?) and they needn't ever see on another if they didn't wish to do.

Oh, did your ride go well, at any rate? Was Rose happy to see you or put out that you've ignored her?

-Justin

[alt_hydra]

It was brave though, considering.

Are you looking forward to hols being over, then? I am, even if it means I have to throw myself back into Arithmancy. Because we'll both be back at school together.

I suppose they are living separate lives, in some ways, but they still go to parties and events together. They keep up appearances even if they don't fool anyone. Separation and divorce isn't very common in the Protectorate, and even when the couple might be better off, it's still rather frowned upon.

It was a nice ride, but I don't know that Rose and I are truly acquainted with each other yet. It's such a long stretch of time that I don't see her while I'm at school. She's a very good horse, though, and I think if I still have her when I'm older and can ride her several times a week, we might grow more comfortable with each other.

And you know how to ride too, don't you? Maybe we can go together, some day.

From,
Hydra

[alt_justin]

I am rather looking forward to being back, for just that reason. I say, I think the only reason this was bearable was the fact they kept us so bally well occupied the whole time. But I'm also a bit concerned because it's been well exhausting, all this rushing about the country. It was rather relaxing to do next to nothing yesterday and then today just sitting at a Quidditch match, what? So I don't feel at all prepared to return to lessons.

Yes, I can ride, though I've never owned my own horse. I'd like that, going riding with you.

-Justin

[alt_hydra]

Even during hols, they like to keep us busy, what with YPL and CCF, for those who are in it. I do wonder... if you end up staying, will they let you into YPL, and let you go for CCF, even though people start when they're in fourth year? And will they sort you and everything else?

From,
Hydra

[alt_justin]

Hm.

Well--yes, on the Sorting, Mr Rosier said they'd Sort me into a House as soon as ever I liked, whenever we decided to make the announcement. He left that part up to me, what, though he said that there might be an advantage to changing allegiance before the end of term. I'm not precisely sure that it's quite so well-advised as he seemed to think--but then of course, he's got his reasons for advising one way or the other, as well.

I hadn't asked about the YPL or CCF. I imagine they'd make some provision, if I showed willing to join. I say, are you planning to test into CCF?

I say, was your supper with your father pleasant?

-Justin

[alt_hydra]

I must say that I don't much imagine you sorted into Slytherin. Gryffindor or Hufflepuff, maybe.

I would like to test into CCF, but I don't know that I'll be allowed. Mummy said something a while back about sending me off to Auntie Narcissa's for the summer, to learn how to host parties and things, I suppose. But I know that everyone else would think that a bit of a daft plan, and probably try to talk her out of it. It's hard to talk her out of something when she's got her mind set, though.

Supper was good. I didn't have to eat the chicken, and there was berries and custard for pudding. Daddy's being extra-nice. I think because of what happened with Mummy at the weekend. But even under the niceness I can tell he's not really in the best of moods.

But Mummy wasn't there, so it could have been much worse.

From,
Hydra

[alt_justin]

Last time, you were well proud of the fact you remembered I once said I thought I'd be a Hufflepuff.

Perhaps if one day you could visit France, I might take you to a real vegetarian restaurant. I don't think I've seen one here in the Protectorate.

Well, Dux, they've still got us going to the Chelsea Gardens tomorrow and I'm dashed embarrassed to say it but I fell asleep in the middle of the Quidditch this afternoon, I was that tired, what?

So I think I shall turn in. But we've only one day to get through and then we shall be back together. I say, I think that deserves a 'Well done' to us both, don't you?

Well done, Dux.

Sweet dreams,

-Justin