Private message to Effs
Friday, 13 April 2012 08:55![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
alt_hydraI didn't sleep last night.
I'm sorry if I was distant yesterday. I'm not cross at all, but everything feels so surreal.
I've always felt a bit apart from everything, you see. There's the way that I was raised, with Mummy being who she is, and how she is. After what happened in first year, it was even worse. It seemed like I lived in one world, and everyone else was in a different world - I could see them, but they were behind glass. Or perhaps I was the one behind glass.
That's how I felt yesterday, with the feeling stronger than ever. It doesn't make me sad, but it is strange. And I know you've said I'm not the only one who knows, but I'm the only one here who knows, and it feels so lonely. But then I remember that you must feel that too, only far, far stronger, and I scold myself for being selfish.
And now the lie seems so stupid. Who would know the difference? Why would the difference ever matter? It only mattered because they said that it did.
I'm to go riding with Auntie Narcissa in a bit, and I just know that the whole time I'll be thinking, 'oh, how can you be so foolish? How can such things even matter to you, when you're so beautiful and have the best of everything?'
People make no sense to me, you see, so I think the only solution is to do something drastic. Maybe I might join a herd of unicorns and live with them someday. Do you think they'd accept me? Or there's always the centaurs. I should start studying divination, so I can fit in and be useful.
And you, I'd ask you to go with me, but I still think it would be better if you returned to France. Even if I would miss you terribly, at least I would know you were welland safe.
From,
Hydra
I'm sorry if I was distant yesterday. I'm not cross at all, but everything feels so surreal.
I've always felt a bit apart from everything, you see. There's the way that I was raised, with Mummy being who she is, and how she is. After what happened in first year, it was even worse. It seemed like I lived in one world, and everyone else was in a different world - I could see them, but they were behind glass. Or perhaps I was the one behind glass.
That's how I felt yesterday, with the feeling stronger than ever. It doesn't make me sad, but it is strange. And I know you've said I'm not the only one who knows, but I'm the only one here who knows, and it feels so lonely. But then I remember that you must feel that too, only far, far stronger, and I scold myself for being selfish.
And now the lie seems so stupid. Who would know the difference? Why would the difference ever matter? It only mattered because they said that it did.
I'm to go riding with Auntie Narcissa in a bit, and I just know that the whole time I'll be thinking, 'oh, how can you be so foolish? How can such things even matter to you, when you're so beautiful and have the best of everything?'
People make no sense to me, you see, so I think the only solution is to do something drastic. Maybe I might join a herd of unicorns and live with them someday. Do you think they'd accept me? Or there's always the centaurs. I should start studying divination, so I can fit in and be useful.
And you, I'd ask you to go with me, but I still think it would be better if you returned to France. Even if I would miss you terribly, at least I would know you were well
From,
Hydra
no subject
2012-04-14 03:17 (UTC)I would like to test into CCF, but I don't know that I'll be allowed. Mummy said something a while back about sending me off to Auntie Narcissa's for the summer, to learn how to host parties and things, I suppose. But I know that everyone else would think that a bit of a daft plan, and probably try to talk her out of it. It's hard to talk her out of something when she's got her mind set, though.
Supper was good. I didn't have to eat the chicken, and there was berries and custard for pudding. Daddy's being extra-nice. I think because of what happened with Mummy at the weekend. But even under the niceness I can tell he's not really in the best of moods.
But Mummy wasn't there, so it could have been much worse.
From,
Hydra
no subject
2012-04-14 03:43 (UTC)Perhaps if one day you could visit France, I might take you to a real vegetarian restaurant. I don't think I've seen one here in the Protectorate.
Well, Dux, they've still got us going to the Chelsea Gardens tomorrow and I'm dashed embarrassed to say it but I fell asleep in the middle of the Quidditch this afternoon, I was that tired, what?
So I think I shall turn in. But we've only one day to get through and then we shall be back together. I say, I think that deserves a 'Well done' to us both, don't you?
Well done, Dux.
Sweet dreams,
-Justin