Hydra Lestrange Finch-Fletchley

(I realise you're busy, so don't read this until time allows - only, I know that you won't.)

The evening Prophet came an hour or so ago. I assume that the news is accurate and my cousin and her husband's shop was raided last night? I've been to that shop, you know. On more than a few occasions. I even saw the dog, once. It just seemed like an ordinary dog.

I ought to have noticed something. I keep trying to think if there's anything I noticed and dismissed, because she was rather kind to me, Dora. And Mummy was the one who brought me for my first visit so I thought if Mummy was alright with me visiting the shop, then there was no reason not to enjoy myself. Dora just didn't seem like the sort... well, I suppose you know what I mean, since your family fostered her.

Only I keep thinking about what happened with Draco, too, and how I never expected that, but then again no one else did, either. You're right, you can't let your guard down with anyone. And not even if you have legilimency to rely on. You can only be prepared, at all times, for anything.

So. As awkward as it is to request directly, I think you will have to specifically and pointedly invite me to Tea Appreciation, Harry, if I'm going to be able to attend.

Having Draco do it won't be enough. Mummy won't even let me see Auntie Narcissa.

You could write her an Owl, or just mention in publicly in the journals somewhere, or even just show up at St. James on the day of. It doesn't really matter. If it's your idea she won't question it.

I'm not sure why I'm so worried about attending, only one day soon Mrs Longbottom will remember that I have access to Auror Lestrange's hair and will want to pull me aside for a chat, I'm sure.

Speaking of Auror Lestrange, Mummy's taking me to MLE with her today. I don't know what I'll see, but I hope that it doesn't involve her killing someone.

Did you see that my mother wrote me? She wrote me and it's all mad, just mad. She says things about legilimency and how I'll learn that everyone is a frightened animal, deep down, and how I have her to thank because my frightened animal is dead because she killed it when I was still young. Which I suppose must be about all the awful things she did when I was little, and not so little. The whole thing has my skin crawling all over and it only goes to show that she's wrong, I'm afraid all the time. I'm hiding in the loo because I feel I might be sick. Where are you, are you in Noble Arts? Astronomy? I forget. Can you leave?

Mummy,

Do you think you'll be home tonight? Because I was hoping I could speak with you.

If not tonight, then maybe tomorrow?

From,
Hydra

Hello Auntie,

Thank you for asking after me in your last journal entry. I also hoped that we would have time to go shopping, but there's never much time for normal, ordinary things. That's how it seems, anyway. Thank you, though, for sending me some things you picked out yourself. I'm sure that I'll love them.

About Harry, I'm not forcing the issue at all. I think he knows he can talk to me if he wants to, but you know he'll always talk to Draco first if it's for advice. Of course, it's awkward all the way round because talking at all, for both of us, means thinking about Mummy's strong feelings on the matter. It's not nearly so uncomfortable as it once was, now that we both know that neither of us are taking it too seriously.

I don't know about other boys. Most of them would be fearful of getting on Mummy's bad side, I should think, to say nothing of Daddy's, too. It would take a special sort not to mind.

From,
Hydra

I went to my Aunt and Uncle's today, and I spent time with Justin. He told me about your group, and your secret way of communicating, and that you had all decided I could be a part of it.

I really hope that this is as protected as Justin says it is. I suppose if it weren't, something awful would have happened by now, but I can't help but feel cautious anyway. I didn't even want to write this inside St James, so I'm out in the garden.

I've had a difficult time trying to think of a secret that would be worth sharing, and equal to what the rest of yours must be. The truth is that I haven't done anything very rebellious or risky. I usually do what I'm told. But sometimes I do other things to counter-act what I've just been told to do. I don't know if that really makes sense, but sometimes it seems like the only option that there is. Like the time Mummy asked me to cosy up to my cousin, Mrs Ponds, the only thing I could think to do was ask Sally Anne if she could give Mrs Ponds a warning that Mummy might be investigating her. I didn't know I was an occlumens then, though, and I thought that Mummy would always know if I lied to her. Well, I've lied to her loads since then, and she hasn't figured it out yet. So that's something.

So I suppose the other things I've done you already know about. I know that Justin is a muggleborn, and that he knew Sirius Black, and I could have told people those things but I didn't. And knowing who he was didn't change my feelings about him, either.

But I still don't know if that's enough, since you already knew those things. And I'm used to people being a little wary of me, because of who Mummy is, and because of what happened to me in my first year. So some of you, those of you who don't know me very well, might be afraid that I'll take everything I know and turn right around and tell everything to Mummy. It would make her so very happy, you know.

Well, I can't stand the thought of her being happy.

So I've thought of something I can share that nobody here knows already, not even Justin. It's a long story, with a lot of details, but what it comes down to is that I once lied to the Lord Protector. We were sitting face-to-face, and he wanted to know something very desperately, but I told him I didn't know anything about it. He believed me, I think because he couldn't legilmise me, but I was lying. If he found out that I lied about something so important to him, he would kill me. I know that he would.

Is that any good at all?

I didn't sleep last night.

I'm sorry if I was distant yesterday. I'm not cross at all, but everything feels so surreal.

I've always felt a bit apart from everything, you see. There's the way that I was raised, with Mummy being who she is, and how she is. After what happened in first year, it was even worse. It seemed like I lived in one world, and everyone else was in a different world - I could see them, but they were behind glass. Or perhaps I was the one behind glass.

That's how I felt yesterday, with the feeling stronger than ever. It doesn't make me sad, but it is strange. And I know you've said I'm not the only one who knows, but I'm the only one here who knows, and it feels so lonely. But then I remember that you must feel that too, only far, far stronger, and I scold myself for being selfish.

And now the lie seems so stupid. Who would know the difference? Why would the difference ever matter? It only mattered because they said that it did.

I'm to go riding with Auntie Narcissa in a bit, and I just know that the whole time I'll be thinking, 'oh, how can you be so foolish? How can such things even matter to you, when you're so beautiful and have the best of everything?'

People make no sense to me, you see, so I think the only solution is to do something drastic. Maybe I might join a herd of unicorns and live with them someday. Do you think they'd accept me? Or there's always the centaurs. I should start studying divination, so I can fit in and be useful.

And you, I'd ask you to go with me, but I still think it would be better if you returned to France. Even if I would miss you terribly, at least I would know you were well and safe.

From,
Hydra

I have some news. I'm going to visit Cousin Dora and her family for tea today. She invited me, and Mummy said I could go.

I was quite excited at first, because you know I've wanted to finally meet Bea and Mr Ponds, and see the shop where they live and work.

But now I'm not so sure. I'm still looking forward to it, but Mummy's been a bit strange. It almost seems as if she's excited for my visit, which doesn't make much sense. She's never been overly fond of cousin Dora, because she's a halfblood, and also because I think it reminds her of how her sister Andromeda turned blood traitor and married a muggleborn. Mummy can't stand to be reminded of the "Black tree's rotten fruit."

I just hope that Mummy isn't planning to do something.

Well, the good news is that I'll finally see you tomorrow, and I can tell you all about what happened at tea in person.

From,
Hydra

Dear Mummy,

I know that you're busy and I don't want to bother you so I'll make this very short.

I was just wondering what it is you might have done with Tevis? I'm not asking for him back. I know that this is my punishment and I will accept it.

I'm not even that worried or concerned about him, only some people have asked where my rabbit's gone, and I'm not sure how to answer them. And I want to be sure that my answer doesn't displease you. That's all.

From,
Hydra

I did what you asked. I don't know if I did it right, but I told her about my horse and asked about the baby. We also talked about my classes, and she told me what she studied at Hogwarts.

Am I supposed to keep talking to her? What do I do now?

From,
Hydra