Order Only - private message to Draco
Thursday, 12 June 2014 16:51![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
alt_hydraHullo.
I'm not going to ask if you're alright, and I'm not going to tell you it will be alright.
This is the worst thing that's ever happened to you, and it's happened less than a week after the other worst thing that's ever happened to you. This is the most helpless, terrified, and small that you have ever felt. All you thought you could withstand, all the tests you've gone through, none of it prepared you for this horrible weight.
If I were with you, I'd be able to feel it. I'd take some of it away, if I could, if it would help. I'm not the only one who would do that for you, either.
I love your parents. Uncle Lucius - well, not the way Pansy loves him, but he's been in my life since I can remember. And your mother is, in some ways, the only mother I've ever known. I don't want bad things to happen to them.
But when I joined the Order, I had to accept bad things. I knew that I might have to fight your parents, and mine, see them arrested, see them killed. Maybe even kill them myself. And I was ready - I am ready. But maybe you thought you were ready, too.
Bad things have been here all along, we've never been able to hide from them, and I don't think we can never really be ready for them, either... You must have felt so safe, with love like your parents'. They told you everything - the whole world - would be yours. I wish they had told you the truth.
The whole world can still be ours, but it won't come without a price. Just like your parents' love didn't come without a price. They would never accept the son they have now, if they knew him like I do. They wouldn't accept me. But that's not my fault, and it's not yours. They made their choices long ago, and you and I made different ones.
I know some people think I joined the Order for Justin. I didn't. I did it for me.
Don't worry about what the Order wants, and don't worry about what your parents want. What do you want for yourself, and what inside yourself do you hold most dearly?
Hold on to that. I promise that tomorrow, you'll still have it.
I'm not going to ask if you're alright, and I'm not going to tell you it will be alright.
This is the worst thing that's ever happened to you, and it's happened less than a week after the other worst thing that's ever happened to you. This is the most helpless, terrified, and small that you have ever felt. All you thought you could withstand, all the tests you've gone through, none of it prepared you for this horrible weight.
If I were with you, I'd be able to feel it. I'd take some of it away, if I could, if it would help. I'm not the only one who would do that for you, either.
I love your parents. Uncle Lucius - well, not the way Pansy loves him, but he's been in my life since I can remember. And your mother is, in some ways, the only mother I've ever known. I don't want bad things to happen to them.
But when I joined the Order, I had to accept bad things. I knew that I might have to fight your parents, and mine, see them arrested, see them killed. Maybe even kill them myself. And I was ready - I am ready. But maybe you thought you were ready, too.
Bad things have been here all along, we've never been able to hide from them, and I don't think we can never really be ready for them, either... You must have felt so safe, with love like your parents'. They told you everything - the whole world - would be yours. I wish they had told you the truth.
The whole world can still be ours, but it won't come without a price. Just like your parents' love didn't come without a price. They would never accept the son they have now, if they knew him like I do. They wouldn't accept me. But that's not my fault, and it's not yours. They made their choices long ago, and you and I made different ones.
I know some people think I joined the Order for Justin. I didn't. I did it for me.
Don't worry about what the Order wants, and don't worry about what your parents want. What do you want for yourself, and what inside yourself do you hold most dearly?
Hold on to that. I promise that tomorrow, you'll still have it.
