Hydra Lestrange Finch-Fletchley

Bad news, I'm afraid. Crouch wants me to put the first Hogsmeade Saturday aside for training. As soon as he beckoned me over last night and indicated I was to sit with him, I had an inkling what I was in for. Also, I saw him thinking about how I was going to forget everything he taught me if I didn't get a refresher, and soon.

Did you enjoy the lecture? I knew Daddy would be part of the lecture series, but I didn't realise he'd be the first invited.

Astoria Greengrass was very disappointed that she didn't manage to secure a seat closer to you, by the way. And she found the back of your neck far more fascinating than Daddy's dark artefacts.

No, I don't normally dig around in Daphne's sister's thoughts, but in this case she was rather loudly projecting your name, so I couldn't help but investigate.

Hullo.

I'm not going to ask if you're alright, and I'm not going to tell you it will be alright.

This is the worst thing that's ever happened to you, and it's happened less than a week after the other worst thing that's ever happened to you. This is the most helpless, terrified, and small that you have ever felt. All you thought you could withstand, all the tests you've gone through, none of it prepared you for this horrible weight.

If I were with you, I'd be able to feel it. I'd take some of it away, if I could, if it would help. I'm not the only one who would do that for you, either.

I love your parents. Uncle Lucius - well, not the way Pansy loves him, but he's been in my life since I can remember. And your mother is, in some ways, the only mother I've ever known. I don't want bad things to happen to them.

But when I joined the Order, I had to accept bad things. I knew that I might have to fight your parents, and mine, see them arrested, see them killed. Maybe even kill them myself. And I was ready - I am ready. But maybe you thought you were ready, too.

Bad things have been here all along, we've never been able to hide from them, and I don't think we can never really be ready for them, either... You must have felt so safe, with love like your parents'. They told you everything - the whole world - would be yours. I wish they had told you the truth.

The whole world can still be ours, but it won't come without a price. Just like your parents' love didn't come without a price. They would never accept the son they have now, if they knew him like I do. They wouldn't accept me. But that's not my fault, and it's not yours. They made their choices long ago, and you and I made different ones.

I know some people think I joined the Order for Justin. I didn't. I did it for me.

Don't worry about what the Order wants, and don't worry about what your parents want. What do you want for yourself, and what inside yourself do you hold most dearly?

Hold on to that. I promise that tomorrow, you'll still have it.

I'm looking forward to your birthday party tonight, Draco. Daphne and Lizzie already put up some of the ornaments and decorations this morning. I think when she's finished we won't even recognise the common room.

Has anyone seen the articles that have come out in the papers and magazines this week? Some of them are are more serious in tone, and they discussed how the current generation of council members are bringing their children into the fold, and they profiled Harry, Draco, me, Teddy, and Pansy, and spoke of how impressive we are and what an asset we'll be to a "maturing Protectorate." And then there was some mention of the "newcomers" like Ron and Padma and Finnigan and some speculation on whether or not they will be able to keep up. The article made it sound as if we all already had the mark. So I guess the news sources are under the impression that you're doing well, Pansy, though I don't think they have any specifics on the challenge at all and are just speculating. And it's funny because they also described Harry, Draco, and Teddy as "old chums."

And some of the more gossipy magazines were going on and on about Draco finally being of age and how Harry will soon be, too, and they had photographs of Draco looking rather regal (though the caption said "smoldering"). They did mention Daphne but wondered if she would just be another schoolgirl fling, like her mother was for Raz. Oh, and they also said that with Raz being married now, and Barty Crouch getting up there in years, that Barty couldn't really carry on as the Protectorate's most eligible bachelor. So they named Draco as "the newest, freshest most eligible bachelor in the Protectorate" and had a list of things he loves in a woman.

Draco, did you know that you love a woman who wears designers fashions, keeps her hair in curls, speaks French, doesn't swear, and smells like evening primrose?

Well, I enjoyed reading something entertaining for a change.

I can finish now. Some of these people aren't in the challenge anymore, but I supposed it might still be useful to know. I'll start with the people who are still in, though.

When I spoke with each person, the conversation was short. I made ordinary chit-chat but then asked how they were feeling now that we were coming to the end of the competition. And then I asked, in a confiding way, if they felt they had any secrets that made them ineligible for the council. I got some funny looks for that, I think some of them knew what I was trying to do. But it worked, for the most part.

Blaise Zabini
He never really thought much about being on the council, but now that he's being challenged he won't run away from it. He doesn't want to pretend to be something he's not, though, and only wants to be selected for his own qualifications. So he's been careful not to misrepresent his abilities, and to look no more willing to put his neck on the line than he actually is. The image he has of himself is loyal but not zealous, and with a big bank account and the proper world view. If the council doesn't want that he's fine fading into the sidelines where he can be comfortable. Oh, and married to Daphne. She was in a wedding veil.

Zach Smith
It's odd, but his inner thoughts were precisely the same as what came out of his mouth, only his head was a split-second ahead. He just said he fine but busy, and that of course he didn't have any secrets. Why, had I heard something?

Alfred Montague
He was thinking about his brother, and how he wants to keep up and hold his own. There's both competition and pride there, a desire to meet family expectation. He sees his brother as a rising star in the MLE and would hate to be thought of as any less important. He didn't seem to be thinking about the council directly, it seemed more abstract, just an extension of his brother's success. Oh, and he also thought about me and Justin. He's worried that it was a bad idea to cross us, but then again, he figures it must have impressed the sponsors so he isn't opposed to doing it in the future if he has to.

When he started to walk away from me I said to him "you're right, though. It was a bad idea."

Richard Vaisey
Richard was worried about Lizzie and something happening to her. He kept thinking about a baby, so he's worried about that, too. The idea of being on the council is appealing in its way, but he just wasn't expecting it now, and always assumed it would be something he would get a choice about, maybe later in life when he was more settled in. He isn't sure he's ruthless enough to be on the council, but he thinks he has other qualities that they might find useful. But then he was thinking about Lizzie again, and really, it seems like it's a massive distraction for him. Maybe now that she's been dropped by Crispin he'll be more competitive, though.

Padma Patil
You already know she was thinking about Dean. When I asked if she had any secrets, though, I saw the real Pure Victory book in her hands, so she must own it and think that it's wrong to.

Lares Tamblyn
He kept thinking about Padma, which was annoying. I think he had just seen her. Anyway, he cares about her but thinks she's childish and too hung up on her parents' old-fashioned ideas. Also, he wishes she'd stop pushing herself long enough to think about her own wants. He thinks he might like boys as well as girls, so now that Seamus is out as gay he wonders if he and Padma might be able to give it a go again.

Teddy Nott
Teddy was hard. He answered my questions but was thinking about other things, mostly. Like how convenient it is that I'm suddenly dating Harry. There was jealousy there, too. And he also had one of those grotesque images of vivisected cats. This time there were two, one was a brownish colour, and the other a silvery-grey. The last time he thought of a cat it was meant to be Hermione, but I don't know what these are. Jack is a grey cat, but this one didn't look like Jack. But before I could really get a good look at it he was thinking about his Father, yelling and cursing him to do better.

Seamus Finnigan
Was thinking about his mother's death. Her murder. Which I knew about but it was strange to see it, with Uncle Lucius there, and Professor Dolohov, and so many others. He didn't think about it for long and for that I'm glad. He thought about Mr Rosier next, and a fishing trip he took with him last Spring, and then that turned into a very old memory of another little boy - a relative, I think - making fun of Seamus for having a muggle father. He knows his real father is probably still alive and living in Ireland. I think those images might mean that he thinks of Mr Rosier as his real father. He wants to stay in the boat with him.

Lizzie Stevens
She doesn't really want to be a council member. She thinks it's unbecoming work for a woman, except maybe someone like me. She also thinks it's not proper for a mother, unless that mother is someone like my mother. She really doesn't want to seem disloyal, and yet she's still upset about what happened to Sam and is angry that the council challenge got her hurt.

Linus Moon
Moon cheated at gobstones once, but he doesn't think that makes him unworthy for the council. Mostly, though, he just wants to make Professor Dolohov happy and he takes all his cues from him. He also seems to have thought this competition was all for the junior council members amusement until Professor Dolohov made it clear to him that they weren't just having a lark.

Katie Bell
She's upset that as soon as Harry broke up with her, she was given a task that involved seducing a council member. She's not sorry she did it, though, and is even strangely happy that she was able to do it and not make a complete fool of herself in the process. Cal Pummel also sent her flowers and they've been writing to each other. But she really doesn't want to be shoved around by anyone, anymore.

Heph Bobolis
He's proud of his family, and of his own skill, but he isn't sure that he rises to the level of council member. Some of the challenges made him uncomfortable, like the one where he had to denounce his uncle. Also, he really wishes he could find a girlfriend who will have a cuddle with him. Maybe even a shag.

Greg and Vince
They were thinking about lunch. Really. Greg wanted sandwiches and Vince was hoping for soup. And Greg's bum had an itch that was distracting him.

Cormac McLaggen
I've saved him for last because he's the one who caught me by surprise. First, he could occlude. Not completely, but I could feel him trying and it did make things patchy. He thought he was doing it well enough, though, and I let him believe that.

He works for Dogstar. Or he's connected to them somehow. But we all know that he's horrid, too. So what do we do now that we know?

I'm sorry I'm only just now writing about this, only none of it seemed really useful to the Order. If it were, I would have told everyone straight away, of course. But I already did share a little at Tea Appreciation, so most of you know that I spent much of hols going to MLE with Mummy. I was hoping to learn something top secret, of course, but nothing like that happened. She was busy a great deal of the time and then I would just end up reading in her office. I thought about having a snoop around, but that would be a bad idea. She's not the sort to leave anything incriminating out, and I'm sure she has all varieties of monitoring devices, too.

What I did learn, which might be useful (if obvious), is that a lot of people who work for MLE aren't very happy. Much of the time they're afraid, but often they assume that since everyone else seems fine, they shouldn't show it or talk about it. And of course, most of them don't like Mummy. That doesn't bother her. I think she likes it, even.

She wanted to test my legilimency skills, so she would summon some lower-level worker to her office and ask me what he was thinking. We tried different methods, like having me look into the person's eyes, or having them turn their back to me. I didn't notice a very big difference between the two. What was interesting was that we sometimes saw different things. Or, more rightly, Mummy tended to pick up on one strong, singular image and thought, while I would pick up on several at once. Mummy said this is because I'm inexperienced, and that with more practice I will learn to filter through the "insignificant noise" and get to the truth of a person's mind.

I asked her how you could be sure of the truth of a person's mind. A person's mind has an imagination in it, after all, and if I've had a fantasy about stealing from a shop, that doesn't mean I've actually stolen from a shop. Sometimes we also have hateful, fleeting thoughts, too, that we don't really mean.

Mummy insisted that there was always a truth, that you just had to learn how to pull it out of a person.

I just don't know if it's that simple. But if it is, I suppose I need to learn. How to get to the truth of a person's mind, I mean.

I've just seen Draco. He's going to bring Jack over to Justin... Well, that's not why I saw him, we've just had supper at Nanella's. It's really more duty than celebration, and no one lingers for long after the table is cleared.

I - I'm not sure how to say this, because for all I know, you may not want to talk to anyone at all. Thats for you to decide. But then again, you can't know who to talk to unless someone makes it clear that they're willing to listen. And thats what you did for me, after Justin and I broke up. Which seems so long ago and yet like it just happened, and I still don't know what I can say about it. What is there to say? We've made our decision and that's the end of it. But even though I didn't feel like talking, I appreciated it when you said that you'd listen, if I needed someone.

The thing is, Draco has been occluding around me for ages. I could feel it, at first, but now he's gotten better and I couldn't really tell, but I assumed that he was. For practice. I had no idea he was actually hiding something.

And today, even though he didn't really ask me to do anything, as soon as we were alone at St. James to get Jack, I could feel him drawing me in, intentionally, so I looked. And I saw.

If I was surprised, well, I can only imagine how you must have felt.

He didn't want to talk about it, but he thought you might need someone. He might be right, he might be wrong. I don't know. But here I am, if you do.

I told Harry yes. I'll try it, at least. If I don't like it, I'll put an end to it.

I can't tell you all the things I want to say because if I did I'd never stop writing. But you know me and you know my heart and you know who it belongs to, always. I can't imagine anything in this world that could ever change that.

That's all.

See you at Tea.

So. As awkward as it is to request directly, I think you will have to specifically and pointedly invite me to Tea Appreciation, Harry, if I'm going to be able to attend.

Having Draco do it won't be enough. Mummy won't even let me see Auntie Narcissa.

You could write her an Owl, or just mention in publicly in the journals somewhere, or even just show up at St. James on the day of. It doesn't really matter. If it's your idea she won't question it.

I'm not sure why I'm so worried about attending, only one day soon Mrs Longbottom will remember that I have access to Auror Lestrange's hair and will want to pull me aside for a chat, I'm sure.

Speaking of Auror Lestrange, Mummy's taking me to MLE with her today. I don't know what I'll see, but I hope that it doesn't involve her killing someone.

I'm alright.

Mummy's left the castle, and she never did summon Justin, so he must be alright, too, I think.

Please don't hit me with a million questions just now. I'm just letting you know I'm alright.

We candidates received our first challenge in the owl post this morning.

"Sometime in the next three days, create something that expresses your loyalty and obeisance to the Lord Protector and put it on display in the school."

It's not so bad as what I imagined, but it makes me wonder if the next one will be something more taxing, either physically or psychologically.

How will they judge which is the best? It sounds awfully subjective.

I guess we'll see. I'm not sure what I'll create, I'm not very artistic, though it doesn't say that it has to be art.