Order Only - Bad News

[alt_hydra]

My Mother knows that I'm a legilimens.

I suppose the good news is that she thinks I've only just now discovered that I am one, but the other bad news is that it's my own fault that she knows. I had to tell her because I accidentally legilimized Auntie Narcissa when we were out shopping yesterday. You see, I thought she was speaking out loud to me, and since I haven't had something like that happen to me in a while, I responded to her.

Well, Auntie Narcissa started asking me how long I've been hearing people's thoughts like that, and I lied and said it had only happened a few times with people I'm close with, like Remy and Justin. I did not tell her that Mummy didn't know, but of course I knew Aunt Narcissa would probably bring it up with her eventually, so I pretended to be a little sad and embarrassed that my gift was so weak and pitiful. I hoped she would gather that I didn't want to talk about it, but maybe that was a bad thing to hope for, since it might have been the reason why she brought it up with Mummy.

Maybe I should have just told her I was keeping it a secret from Mummy until I was really, really good, because I wanted to impress her, and make her so proud that she'd let me marrybe nice to me. Auntie Narcissa might have agreed to keep it a secret, too. She's always tried to help me when things get difficult with Mummy.

I suppose that's why it's easy for me to slip up around her. She's always felt safe.

Anyway, while I was getting ready for bed last night, a Malfoy house elf popped over and gave me a note from Auntie, warning me that Mummy would be coming to ask me about my legilmency. I decided that I would ask Mummy about it, first, so she would think I had only just figured out what was happening to me. I'm not entirely sure she believed me - it can be hard to tell, with her - but she seemed to accept it.

Trouble is, now she's very excited to discover how skilled I am, and says that I might finally "be useful." She wants me to work with Auror Penderyn over the summer, and says that if I prove skilled enough, she might want to take over my training herself!

I wish there were some way to make her think I was a bad legilimens, but I don't think that any such thing exists. They're so uncommon to begin with, especially those who have it manifest on its own.

I'm sorry to let you all down. I wanted to use my legilimency to help us, not her.

Comments

Private Message to Hydra

[alt_justin]

Hullo, love,

I'm glad you reached me last night. I tried not to worry when I saw your aunt's message--I mean, after all, you'd said she was taking you shopping--but then when I saw you write to your mother as well, I wasn't sure what to think. I do think it's a good plan to cut her off at the pass, if you follow me.

I know you're tired of me saying it but it might be a good thing to get training from someone other than your mother, what. If you worked with Mr Snape I'm sure you could even keep this Auror Penderyn from thinking you're as good as you are. It's rather like the CCF, isn't it: It can be uncomfortable to learn in the context of what they're teaching, what, but on the whole you're still learning skills that will be well useful.

I've been thinking about your aunt, too.... Do you think you could ask her about what she and your mother talked about, so you'll know what is and isn't safe to say?

Either way, train tomorrow. And then we get to be together again.

-J

Re: Private Message to Hydra

[alt_hydra]

I just don't know what to do. Do I want them to think I'm not very good, or is it better if they think I'm very good? I don't even really understand how good I am. The hardest part about it is trying to figure out what people's thoughts mean. They're not very clear unless I ask direct questions.

Mostly, I just keep thinking about what Tom Voldemort will do, when he finds out. I don't have to read Mummy's mind to know that she'll take great pleasure in presenting him with another legilimens.

I wish we were already back at school. I'll try to speak with Aunt Narcissa before then, or at least write to her.

Re: Private Message to Hydra

[alt_justin]

I should think it's much easier to make them think you're weak and not very good, because one can always reveal less of what one sees, but one can't very well know more than one really sees, if you follow me.

When Voldemort had you to tea before, did he seem interested in your conversations with Tom? Do you think he might see your ability as rightfully his? Perhaps if you made him think it's merely a shadow, he'd dismiss it as an anomaly from the diary and nothing more.

I thought disguising your ring was so clever, what, but I'm sorry I didn't think about your aunt's reaction. But she did warn you about your mother, and it sounds as if she didn't tell her why she thought you were a legilimens--I mean to say, what it was that happened between you two, what. So if you can find out from her, then you'll know whether she's still trying to help. And if she is, perhaps she can help you avoid the worst of your mother's plans.

-J

[alt_draco]

Why are you apologising? You need to stop looking at this as some kind of Azkaban sentence and see it for what it really is: you've got the golden snitch in sight.

And invitation to work with the Auror division as the daughter of the great and feared Auror Lestrange? Even without legilimency you could find out more than any of us.

Re: Private Message to Hydra

[alt_hydra]

Yes, that was all he wanted to know about, was what Tom had said and done. Which is funny because when I wrote in the diary Tom asked me a great deal about our Great Lord Protector (as I called him, back then), and almost seemed suspicious of his grown-up self. As if there were competition between them. I don't want him to think of me as his shadow, lest he see me as competition, too. Maybe it's better if he thinks I just inherited it from Mummy. I really don't know.

Mummy didn't say anything about what she and Auntie Narcissa discussed, but I suppose she might have done on purpose. I don't think Auntie would say anything about the ring or the engagement. She knows that we have to be the ones to convince Mummy, and she's frustrated that I haven't done anything about that yet.

[alt_hydra]

Since you're comparing it to quidditch, I think you would find it much funner than I would.

I'd rather be cosy in Laszlo's with cousin Dora and Bea and the others.

[alt_alice]

This could be a potentially fruitful opportunity, I agree.

[alt_draco]

That cosiness isn't real. It's just whistling in the dark. Strangeweale was hanged in the warehouses, remember?

You're reminding me of someone else who's never used his position and access to his advantage.

Private Message to Hydra

[alt_alice]

I've recently been talking to Ron about his offer to intern with the Aurors, and what that might mean in terms of his future. If you'd like to talk at all, know that I'm always free.

I just want you to know that although this would be useful, it is by no means something you ought to feel is your only choice. I have no illusions about how difficult this sort of job would be, and the sort of toll it would take. I also know you're under a great deal of pressure from your parents, and must balance that as best as you can.

[alt_hydra]

I remember. It just happened you know.

What I meant is that I don't enjoy being around those people like you do. I don't like that the only thing I have is being a Lestrange, with frightening Lestrange abilities. But just because I don't like it doesn't mean I won't do it.

Re: Private Message to Hydra

[alt_justin]

No, not that he'd think of you as his shadow, what, only that your legilimency is a mere refraction of his, and nothing of much concern or worth developing.

Can you manage to get to Grimmauld later? We're flying along the ward lines but it's well cold and I think we'll all be Apparating back there for hot cocoa when we're done. It's smooth enough to write but it's a slow business, what.

-J

[alt_draco]

You have more to offer than being a Lestrange with creepy Lestrange traits.

And I don't enjoy those people, either, but I do greatly enjoy the idea of getting the better of them. Relish it, in fact. I just find it regretful that you don't.

[alt_hydra]

Maybe it's good that I don't. Mummy really, really likes legilimizing people, you know.

You have more to offer than being a Malfoy, too.

[alt_draco]

I know where my strengths lie.

Re: Private Message to Hydra

[alt_hydra]

That would be very dismissive of him indeed. We can hope for it, but certainly not count on it.

I'll try but I don't know, Mummy is so terribly interested in me now... but she won't be home until later tonight, at least.

Re: Private Message to Hydra

[alt_hydra]

I always thought if I apprenticed anywhere, it would be with Department of Mysteries. Even Mummy agreed, since occlumency is so essential there. But legilimency is so sought after in the Auror division that I'm sure Mysteries will be off the table now.

Well, I have to think about OWLs first, anyway.

Re: Private Message to Hydra

[alt_alice]

There are always options, dear. Even though it might not feel like it at the moment.

You know more than I do about how far you can push things with your mother, but if your goal is Mysteries, I think that would be something worth aiming for.

[alt_sirius]

Don't be so hard on yourself, kiddo. The likelihood that you'd get all the way through this without your mother figuring out your abilities was slim, anyway.

Anyway, look on the bright side: Over Easter hols, you can come and tell us what in the world is going on in our Bea's head.

No, on a more sober level: So long as you can maintain your Occlumency, stay calm and stay focused, you'll be fine. I can't pretend to know much about how they train Legilimens nowadays but remember it's mostly going to be about working for you to read others', not for them to read you.

And you're not letting the side down at all, pet. Particularly if you can use your time to gain any insights whatsoever as to their strategies, plans or movements. The way I see it, the more of you lot we can use to infiltrate the Ministry, the stronger our position grows.