Well, I was angry when I thought he was mocking me. But I think that's not what it is, it's that he's decided I'm something I'm not.
Terry's the same way, you know. He thinks I'm perfect and it's just not true, but it's different with him because he didn't have anything really for comparison for a long time. Not that Draco thinks I'm perfect. Far from it. You should have heard him. It was all 'It's barking to fancy you' and 'I wish I didn't' and 'Pretend you don't know'--like it's so inconceivable that he can't even understand why he'd feel that way. And of course it's because he doesn't.
I mean...there are stories all the time about wizards--or witches, too--who go and have sex with muggles or muggleborns because they enjoy the feeling of power over them. And it's not that I think that's what Draco wants--that's what Ollivander wanted--but it just goes to show that even Draco isn't seeing me. Because if he did....
Well. He wouldn't want me, then.
So sooner or later he has to realise that.
Are you angry all the time? I mean, I think you've got every right to be angry. It seems like the grownups don't understand how hard it has to be for you and Justin. I mean, when I think of people who love each other, I think about you two. Or Mr and Mrs Longbottom. Or the way Mr and Mrs Weasley were, before he died. I know you didn't really know him but they were completely enamoured of each other even after seven children and I dunno, 30 years together. Or even Sirius and Remus, though that's a bit different because they're both men so they take the piss a lot more than other couples. But I can't really imagine them not with each other, any of them, you know, and that's just--not what I think about when I imagine Draco and me. I mean, I've never really imagined it. But that's not what I think about when I think about myself, with anyone, I mean.
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2014-04-20 23:02 (UTC)Terry's the same way, you know. He thinks I'm perfect and it's just not true, but it's different with him because he didn't have anything really for comparison for a long time. Not that Draco thinks I'm perfect. Far from it. You should have heard him. It was all 'It's barking to fancy you' and 'I wish I didn't' and 'Pretend you don't know'--like it's so inconceivable that he can't even understand why he'd feel that way. And of course it's because he doesn't.
I mean...there are stories all the time about wizards--or witches, too--who go and have sex with muggles or muggleborns because they enjoy the feeling of power over them. And it's not that I think that's what Draco wants--that's what Ollivander wanted--but it just goes to show that even Draco isn't seeing me. Because if he did....
Well. He wouldn't want me, then.
So sooner or later he has to realise that.
Are you angry all the time? I mean, I think you've got every right to be angry. It seems like the grownups don't understand how hard it has to be for you and Justin. I mean, when I think of people who love each other, I think about you two. Or Mr and Mrs Longbottom. Or the way Mr and Mrs Weasley were, before he died. I know you didn't really know him but they were completely enamoured of each other even after seven children and I dunno, 30 years together. Or even Sirius and Remus, though that's a bit different because they're both men so they take the piss a lot more than other couples. But I can't really imagine them not with each other, any of them, you know, and that's just--not what I think about when I imagine Draco and me. I mean, I've never really imagined it. But that's not what I think about when I think about myself, with anyone, I mean.
I don't know, it's all hopelessly complicated.