Private message to Auror Crouch

[alt_hydra]

(I realise you're busy, so don't read this until time allows - only, I know that you won't.)

The evening Prophet came an hour or so ago. I assume that the news is accurate and my cousin and her husband's shop was raided last night? I've been to that shop, you know. On more than a few occasions. I even saw the dog, once. It just seemed like an ordinary dog.

I ought to have noticed something. I keep trying to think if there's anything I noticed and dismissed, because she was rather kind to me, Dora. And Mummy was the one who brought me for my first visit so I thought if Mummy was alright with me visiting the shop, then there was no reason not to enjoy myself. Dora just didn't seem like the sort... well, I suppose you know what I mean, since your family fostered her.

Only I keep thinking about what happened with Draco, too, and how I never expected that, but then again no one else did, either. You're right, you can't let your guard down with anyone. And not even if you have legilimency to rely on. You can only be prepared, at all times, for anything.

Comments

[alt_crouch_jr]

The facts, yes, all true. Don't get me started on the reporting. Wouldn't be surprised to hear one or two of the Prophet staff writers found themselves ghosts by supper tonight. Not that you'll read that in the paper. (If the rest of them know what's good for them.)

And, no. You can't afford to let your guard down. Useful lesson here: our greatest weakness can be those we hold close. That said, it's necessary to admit that try as you will (and you must), that particular weakness is endemic, it's inseparable from your mortality. Suspect if one studied the matter, the results would show that weakness is frequently responsible for the mortality.

The condition of intimacy, its price, is that we ignore risk and leave ourselves open to betrayal with those we hold closest. It's no surprise you were blind to the possibility with someone you trusted. It's your choice whether you take steps to ensure no one will deceive you again, but if you take that sort of precaution, you deny yourself... a lot. The alternative is to take a knowing decision to leave yourself vulnerable to particular friends, relations, lovers, colleagues, allies. Not all allies or colleagues or relations or friends. Possibly not every lover.


Should tell you I've not slept in 39.5 hours. Factor that in.

[alt_hydra]

I would rather not be deceived, especially when so few even can deceive me.

But that kind of denial is a high price, yes. I don't yet know if I'm ready to pay it. Even with Harry - we're together, I suppose, but it doesn't feel like it. It's more that I'm his adviser. And even then, a while back when he was forming different school clubs to take on a larger leadership role, I suggested that we have one of them meet at the Ponds' shop. "Tea Appreciation."

So, sometimes when you get betrayed you betray someone else inadvertently, in the process. Seems best to avoid it altogether.

And yet I'm discussing all of this with you and neither of my parents. Which means I trust you, I guess. But there has to be someone.

[alt_crouch_jr]

That's to be expected. It's a ritual of training. Basically, you've put yourself in my hands, and you have to trust I'm not going to kill you. Because if I were to decide to kill you, you couldn't likely prevent that anyway, so there's little reason not to trust and much reward in doing so. Taking down that barrier opens you to learn more fully, to respond, to be attuned to what's being taught.

Expect you recognise that the mechanism is not reciprocal. Not a symmetrical system.

Intriguing about your relations with Harry. His training has been an extreme case of the above. If he is really as passive, malleable as you imply, expect it's a side effect.

Don't waste energy or concern re. betraying him, however. If anyone is proof against consequences in the matter at hand, he is. If you've led others into harmful connections, it might be another matter, though mere presence there is unlikely to warrant concern.

Would be helpful, actually, if you would provide a list of your peers who went to the Ponds' establishment as part of your tea appreciation. Don't expect much will come of it, but we are assembling lists of those who might have information re. the shop in Doughty Conduit.

[alt_hydra]

Yes, I recognise that. I was actually going to add "since you could kill me if you wanted to" but refrained from doing so.

I identify with Harry for lots of reasons.

Whatever you need. Off the top of my head: Harry, Draco (before), Pansy Parkinson, Katie Bell, Ron Weasley, Justin Finch-Fletchley, Remy Jugson, Alfie Jugson, Michael Corner, Sally-Anne Perks, Daphne Greengrass, Mandy Brocklehurst, Jeremy and Gemma Stretton, and Katrina Bundy.

Some only went once, and others went more than once, but I don't feel I can provide those specifics with accuracy. I'll let you know if I remember anything else.

[alt_crouch_jr]

Interesting.

Bell... saw Harry for a time, correct?

[alt_hydra]

Yes. He ended things with her to see me.

[alt_crouch_jr]

Not as dim as he sometimes looks, then.

Good.

[alt_hydra]

I didn't even know you knew Katie Bell.

She seemed... there.

[alt_crouch_jr]

By the way.

You were in better form than I thought you might be. Saturday. Desai and Tosha must be doing something right.

Will arrange time to come run your new course with you. As soon as we're past the brunt of this investigation. I might come if we follow up with your tea appreciators. Interested to see what Tosha and Desai have designed for you there.

[alt_hydra]

They must be. I surprised myself, too.

I look forward to it, then. I hope the investigation goes well and you are able to sleep soon.

[alt_crouch_jr]

Sleep is overrated.

(Which, naturally, does not apply to you. Go to bed yourself.)

[alt_crouch_jr]

Only familiar with what the tabloids printed. Gryffindor. Lacking academic distinction. Quidditcher of average skill. Scarcely more than plain.

In any case, setting aside anyone else for you suggests he's cannier than I imagined. He doesn't... convey that in many of the situations in which I've had opportunity to observe him.

[alt_hydra]

Already there.