I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good - Private message to Draco

[alt_hydra]

Hello,

How are you faring? I know Harry didn't bother to read very far back into all the locked journal entries, but if I know you, you're probably reading as far back as you can. I did the same, or at least I did until it all started to bleed together in my head and became too difficult to follow.

I just want you to know that I sometimes feel the same way as you do. Like an outsider, or a latecomer. Especially when certain subjects come up - like your parents, or mine. Justin feels that way too, for different reasons. Mostly because he's a muggleborn but has the privilege of living as if he's not one, unlike Hermione and Terry. The differences that are there will always be there, and sometimes it creates awkwardness, but the one thing that bonds us all together is that our lives have been tainted because of Him. Some of us more than others, yes, but all of us think that England would be better off if things were different.

But it's not as black and white for us and never will be, I suppose. But that's why they need people like you and I and Harry and Pansy. We're the insiders, even if that makes us the outsiders. Does that make sense?

Anyway, I hope you're doing alright. If you want to talk, you know where to find me.

From,
Hydra

Comments

[alt_draco]

I am one hundred percent FINE, as they say.

I mean, it's so snitch to finally be inducted into the secret club of misfits, losers, and rebels. I can't wait to memorise the secret handshake.

[alt_hydra]

Well, if that's how you feel about it, you don't have to stay, you know. We can obliviate you. And we'd all understand.

From,
Hydra

[alt_draco]

You can't obliviate away everything else I know.

So I guess that's why I'll stay. Because even if I'm good at fitting in as an upstanding pureblood citizen of the Protectorate, I'm obviously not one.

[alt_hydra]

Do you mean that you wish you could be one? A real, upstanding citizen, I mean.

[alt_draco]

I used to think that was the only way to be, that it was the only surefire way to have the perfect life. That's the illusion everything hinges on. Be loyal, be one of His servants, be of use.

But like I told Harry and Hermione last night, I'm not even sure that all of the council members believe that, anymore.

But who knows. My Father is very good at accepting illusions, as I've learnt this year.

[alt_hydra]

I'm not sure what you mean about illusions, but I do know that your parents love you, and that you love them and that makes things harder. I feel the same way about Daddy. And Raz.

I just remind myself that they have always made their own decisions, so I get to make my own decisions, too. And who knows, they can make different ones some day... If they want to.

[alt_draco]

That's not really what I meant about illusions, but nevermind that..

Weasley writes loads of private messages to Sally Anne and Pansy (or is it Fisheye?). Loads. And for years now. So, you know, speaking of illusions, that's an interesting one.

What did you think when you found out that Finch-Fletchley was a mudblood? Were you appalled? Or did it feel strangely thrilling, or what?

[alt_hydra]

I don't really understand the Fisheye and Tuna thing? It was way before my time, I think. It's just a silly private joke, I suppose.

I didn't feel appalled or thrilled. I guess it didn't make me feel anything different about him, it just made me feel different about me. It was the moment I really knew for certain that the blood status thing means nothing. That's the real illusion, Draco.

[alt_draco]

Yeah, but illusions are powerful things. You can't just snap your fingers and get over them. If it were that easy, then Black's first Grim Truth would have had the whole Protectorate applauding him, instead of hunting him down for threatening their precious, precious illusion.

Ugh, now I'm sick of writing that word.

[alt_hydra]

I don't know, they're powerful until they're not. It's true that you don't know when the scales will fall, and you can't make anyone see through an illusion if they don't want to, but I think they can fall apart at any moment.

Yes, it's a hard word to write about.

[alt_draco]

Yeah, any moment.

I'd best go. Got the illusion of my lessons to attend to.