alt_hydra / Order Only Private message to Juniors

I'm sorry for my outburst the other day.

I don't really care if people have secrets. It's completely normal, and it's never bothered me before. And sometimes it's absolutely necessary, of course.

I suppose the pressure of everything was just getting to me, but I'm feeling so much better now, and I won't take my foul mood out on any of you again if I can help it.

Also, I generally try not to read people's minds, especially those of my friends, but sometimes it's incredibly difficult not to. For you, it would be the same as trying not to look at someone, or to tune out the sound of their voice. Just for comparison.

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- Posted by

alt_ron

No worries, yeah? I mean, you've had one or two reasons to be 'a bit out of sorts', innit?

Not that other people understand that.

- Posted by

alt_hydra

I made Sally Anne cross.

Though it was really Justin I was unhappy with. Well not him, specifically. The situation, more like.

I think other people understand as much as they can. But you can't really, truly understand something unless you've been in the same position.

- Posted by

alt_ron

Sals is fine. Got over it before you finished. I promise.

I mean, just don't beat yourself bloody over it? You had reasons. Whatever exactly they all are. And we don't have to know. And you don't have to do more than say it was a thing, y'know?

You really okay now?

- Posted by

alt_hydra

I'm not beating myself over it. I'm fine, really. Apologising was just the right thing to do.

Oh, yes. Mostly.

Are you okay?

- Posted by

alt_ron

I don't know how to answer that, really.

I've been thinking about it all day. I mean, even before you asked. And then you did, and I've been trying to think what to say.

I told my Mum I'm fine. This morning. Because she wrote a private message to everyone else in the family, and obviously she's worrying and wants to know what I've told them, but I haven't actually told any of them anything.

She wrote me. Sunday. But she said she didn't expect I'd answer and I didn't have to if I couldn't. But I mean, I know I should've answered, anyhow. Only, I really don't know what I could tell her. Whiat I could tell her that she'd understand or that I could explain. Especially to her. Because she's my Mum. And because, y'know, I don't want her to know some of it because then it'd always be there whenever we're together. She'd be thinking about it. And I would, for sure. I just want her to always be Mum. And home to be where the food's excellent, and the twins are mad, and the goats are stubborn, and there's pie, and in the morning there're toast soldiers and eggs, and for Sunday supper there's a roast, maybe, or chicken, or sausage and mash.

Sorry.

Argh. No, I really am sorry. I know it's different for you, and you don't need me to go on and on at you.

I dunno.

I got myself hurt today right at the start of Defence so I wouldn't have to stay. I'm up at the Hospital Wing now, waiting for Healer Spenser to get around to me. Which, it's been, uh, an hour and a quarter and hasn't happened yet. It's not really bad, the boils. Keeping me grounded, I think.

Anywiz. You didn't really want to know all that.

So I'll shut up now.

Cheers.

- Posted by

alt_hydra

I think you have the sort of family who talks all the time and is always wrapped up in everyone's business and that probably feels normal and when things can't be that way, all chatty, everything feels wrong. Well, to your mother, anyway.

It's hard for you to give me any advice, because yes, it is different for me. My mother isn't chatty with me, and neither is Daddy anymore, and neither is Aunt Narcissa. Also I don't even know what toast soldiers and eggs are?

But maybe you don't want advice.

You can tell me whatever you want, though.

- Posted by

alt_ron

I don't think we can probably give each other advice.

But thanks for listening.

- Posted by

alt_draco

You call that an outburst?

Please go back in the journals and read one of mine to see how it's done properly.

- Posted by

alt_ron

Ha!

Funniest thing I've heard today. Maybe ever.

Sorry. Had to say.

- Posted by

alt_draco

You're not wrong.

Thing is, there's something really satisfying about having a good, proper outburst (not some wimpy thing like Hydra's). That's what people don't understand.

Well, you might.

- Posted by

alt_ron

Ha.

Yeah. Too right.

- Posted by

alt_daphne

What you said.

And Hydra, I'm sure no one was holding a grudge, but it's kind of you to apologise - even if I'm not one of the people your outburst was directed at.

Speaking of... I realise that out of all of us here at the school, my position is probably the easiest. I'm entirely above suspicion (so far, anyway), have been developing connections with our enemies, and yet haven't been required to get my hands dirty, be Cruciated, or anything of that sort.

I'm not sure how that makes the rest of you feel, but I hope it isn't fostering any resentment. The truth is, I would be useless if I had to do what you did. What I'm doing now is what I do best.

- Posted by

alt_pansy

Oh, Daphs. Honestly, I feel that way sometimes too. Especially after this weekend.

I'm glad you're doing what you have been, and you're right, it is what you do best.

- Posted by

alt_daphne

Yes, I thought you might identify. And perhaps Susan and Luna, as well.

- Posted by

alt_draco

Dirty hands? You've snogged Crouch, so I reckon that evens things out.

- Posted by

alt_daphne

That's uncalled for. Particularly if you won't even have the decency to put it behind a PM.

I'm not sure if you're being prudish, jealous, or are simply being guided by your irrational hatred of the man.

- Posted by

alt_draco

Irrational hatred, is it. He's a Death Eater, and one of the worst of the lot. I only hope you're not forgetting that.

- Posted by

alt_daphne

You don't hate him because he's a Death Eater, you hate him because he slept with your mother.

I'm sorry that happened and that it hurt you. But I'm not your mother, or your girlfriend, so I don't see what business it is of yours. I do know what I'm doing, believe it or not.

- Posted by

alt_draco

Look -

I'm sorry, this is coming out wrong because yes, I associate him with unpleasant memories. Who you entangle yourself with is your choice, and I'm not prudish, but it worries me that it's Crouch.

Couldn't you seduce Dolohov instead?

- Posted by

alt_daphne

The Headmaster?! He's old enough to be my grandfather, I'm sure! And he's very... I don't know. Either homosexual or asexual or simply not of the sexual world (that might be what asexual is, now that I think on it).

The situation with Barty presented itself organically. I didn't seduce him.

- Posted by

alt_draco

"Barty."

Are you 100% certain of that? That it was "organic?"

- Posted by

alt_daphne

Seeing as it's my life and I was there for it, yes, I'm 100% certain.

- Posted by

alt_draco

Alright then. I'll drop it.

- Posted by

alt_daphne

Small mercies.

- Posted by

alt_hermione

You're snogging Crouch now?

Isn't that a bit like snogging a vipertooth?

- Posted by

alt_daphne

What? No. No it's not like a vipertooth, I mean.

Well, figuratively perhaps.

You're not going to suggest that I seduce Dolohov instead, I hope, because Draco already beat you to it.

- Posted by

alt_hermione

No, I meant literally. Gross.

And Dolohov would be even grosser!

I mean...I'm sorry, I've obviously not been paying a lot of attention lately. Loads going on here, and my work with Mr Snape, and Mr Lupin's potion, and of course Sherwood.

But, you're not.... It's not like it was with Barney Bole, is it?

- Posted by

alt_daphne

Who told you about Barney? Holda, does everyone in Britain know about that?

It's not gross. It's ~~very~~ rather nice, in fact. He is attractive, despite his lack of morality, and Rachel told me she was attracted to Lucius, so it's not as if I'm peculiar or anything.

He isn't like Barney at all, though I can see why you might expect that.

- Posted by

alt_hermione

We may not have been on speaking terms then, but it's not as if I didn't also live in Slytherin. And it's not as if I don't have experience in that sort of thing, either. Remember Letchley?

Anyway, sorry Draco's also been a pillock to you.

- Posted by

alt_daphne

I didn't know other people in Slytherin were talking about it, at the time. Naive of me.

It's alright. He apologised himself. I was surprised at his crassness, though, since I was under the impression he had developed some tact and empathy.

- Posted by

alt_hermione

I didn't say anyone was talking about it. But it wasn't my place, then, to say anything to you, either.

Well, I'm glad he apologised. But you know, he tries to act like his family mean nothing to him anymore, and it's just not ever going to be true. I think navigating relationships--his or anyone else's--is always going to be a little difficult for him.

- Posted by

alt_sally_anne

It's okay, Hydra. Sorry I got cross and shouty back at you.

(Oh and I think Draco's right. It was very satisfying to yell back. I never used to, because I was too terrified people would stop being my friends. I'll try not to make a habit of it, though.)

- Posted by

alt_hydra

Don't worry about it. It's not as if I thought you would stay cross or stop being my friend.

I've hardly ever yelled in my life, but I can see what you mean, yes.

- Posted by

alt_pansy

Well, good.

Because you're quite right, you know.

- Posted by

alt_luna

Would you like to meet for tea some time?

Not the entire Teatime of the Strange group, if you didn't feel comfortable with us all. But some of us?

- Posted by

alt_hydra

Well most people, including some of the people in the Teatime group, will probably believe I'm there to monitor your activities.

Which might be for the best, I'm not sure.

But yes, I would like to have tea.

- Posted by

alt_justin

Hydra,

So you do feel better, then? I say, other husbands might think perhaps it's Auror Crouch who's put the spring back into your step, what. Luckily for you I'm not the jealous type.

But seriously, love, is training with him going all right?

-Justin

- Posted by

alt_hydra

No, I felt better before I trained with him last night. We did have a particularly good session, though.

I think he feels affection for me, in his own way. He's my mentor but there's also something there that's...big-brotherly? Which, can you imagine him being that way with anyone? I can't fathom what I've done to inspire that.

I suppose that means it's going well.

Oh. I did tell him that you and I are booking the salle together.

- Posted by

alt_justin

You--er, why, exactly? Just to test whether he'd tell your mother or the Headmaster?

-J

- Posted by

alt_hydra

He won't tell them, I think.

But it was because he'd find out anyway. We're meant to be acting like mates again, right? So why would we hide something like booking the salle together. It looks strange to be covert.

He did call you my "(ex?) paramour." I told him that yes, we had once dated, but there was no chance of us ever dating again.

- Posted by

alt_justin

I don't think of it as covert so much as...not anyone's business but our own, what. But you know better than I what he considers his business.

Well, at least if I do hear about it from Professor Dolohov, I'll know how to respond. I'm not sure about never dating again, what, or is it considered entirely bourgeois to date one's own wife?

Speaking of that, though.... Valentine's is a Hogsmeade Day. Perhaps if Daphne tempts him away, he won't wish to monopolise you?

-J

- Posted by

alt_hydra

We can go out on dates, but doesn't "dating" suggest something more temporary than "married?"

I have a feeling Daphne will be hoping to be with him on Valentine's Day, yes, but I'd feel odd asking her to tempt him away. Let's hope she does it on her own?

- Posted by

alt_justin

Well, naturally, one wouldn't--I mean to say, it would be bally well impertinent to suggest--confound it, that's not at all what I meant about Daphne!

I only meant that...it's Valentine's Day. There's only one man I want you spending it with.

-J

- Posted by

alt_hydra

Let's hope for the best, then. We'll steal a moment somewhere, at the very least.

- Posted by

alt_pansy

While we're clearing the air, so to speak,

I wanted to make sure you knew

This business I'm running. It's meant that I'm bringing in Muggle and Muggleborn people to do the labour.

I own them.

There's five people right now. There will be a lot more, if this is to go the way it ought.

And I can tell myself all I want that I'll treat them fairly, and that they'll have it better with me than elsewhere, and that I'll eventually let them in on things, but still.

I wanted you both to know. From me, instead of from someone else. And I'm not looking for reassurances that I'm doing the right thing, or that I'm really a good person, because that's rather silly. But I do think it's important that you know, and perhaps when the time comes for me to tell people, you could help me, so I can do as right by them as I can under the circumstances.

- Posted by

alt_hermione

Well, that makes sense. I mean, Mr Lupin and Tonks did the same thing when they took in Ellie.

Tim's family were like that, too. I mean, not his real family, but the couple who 'owned' him before they died at the Cup.

Did you think we'd be upset with you?

- Posted by

alt_pansy

I honestly didn't know either way, but I figured it'd be best to be open about it.

- Posted by

alt_pansy

...Terry, yes, to be blunt. I know my timing isn't ideal, but I figure better he know now than think I'd been keeping it from him.

- Posted by

alt_terry

I agree with Hermione. Thanks for saying something, though, so there's be no reason to be taken by surprise. And sure, I'd like very much to be there when you tell them.

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