a place for hiding things

[alt_hydra]

When I started out at Hogwarts, the first thing I looked for was a hiding place.

Everyone needs a good hiding place. For trinkets, for baubles. For thoughts and feelings we don't want anyone to see.

I always had a lot of hiding places at home, and I changed them so much that I forgot what I had hidden and where. At my father's house there was a loose stone in the wall of my Uncle Rabastan's boyhood room. I think he might have hidden things there himself, once. Love letters to girls, or little bottles of whiskey. Those sound like things he would hide.

When I was seven I found a collared dove, just a fledgling that was pushed from the eaves. I didn't know then that you shouldn't pick them up. I thought it was hurt, so I took it inside and hid it behind the stone in the wall. I fed it for a few days, then finally took it outside, where it flew away. I know now that it's lucky it didn't die.

I tried to hide other things there, later, and got in trouble for doing so. But that never stopped me from looking for more places to hide things.

At Hogwarts I looked all the way back into the furthest reaches of the dungeons, where most people don't like to go. I didn't mind. There's a giant urn tucked back there that makes for a good hiding place. I used that one, once or twice. But the best place I found was a staircase that no one uses anymore. It leads upstairs to long hallway that, if you follow it far enough, will take you to the back of the kitchens. The staircase has a small landing with an empty alcove. I put some cushions in there, along with a quilt, some books, and some sweets (sweets were another thing I always had to hide). I called it my secret stairwell.

That's where I used to curl up, and that's where I wrote in my diary (but not always this one).

It was a good hiding place for me. It wasn't good for everyone. That's where Effie Stevens was found. I don't know who killed her, or if she was trying to hide or trying to find someone. We were in an Arithmancy study group in years 4 and 5. At the Hogwarts Day of Remembrance that was held back in December, she was thinking a lot about how she wished she didn't have to be at the castle anymore. Or in England at all, really. A lot of people were thinking that.

I'll miss Effie Stevens. It's strange to feel that I've known a lot of people very well, who probably don't feel as if they know me at all. I'd like to change that, if I can. It's good to not look for hiding places, anymore.

Comments

Private message to Aunt Narcissa

[alt_hydra]

I'm sorry that I didn't get to say goodbye to you.

Private message to Duckie

[alt_rodolphus]

He did hide things there. I helped him loosen the mortar, as I'd already done something similar in the wall of my own room.

In the interest of not hiding things, you ought to know that your mother and I are ending our marriage at midweek.

Our relationship will continue, however, if in a different form.

She also plans to have you removed from the tapestry.


Duckie, it's not too late. Throw yourself on her mercy. Tell her everything she could possibly want to know about those people. She would not trust you at first, but in time, you could prove yourself. Of this I am sure.

Re: Private message to Duckie

[alt_hydra]

I'm glad to know that you care, even if I know you're saying this more for yourself than for me.

She can't read my mind, and so she'll never trust me.

She would be absolutely right not to trust me.

You'll have to do without me now. And I think you'll do that just fine.

Many of my better memories from my childhood are of you, Daddy. I won't forget them. That much, at least, I can leave you with.

Re: Private message to Duckie

[alt_rodolphus]

You're more like her than realise.

Perhaps someday, you'll know it.

Thank you for keeping me in your memories. I will return the favour as best I can.

Re: Private message to Duckie

[alt_hydra]

Not really.

Not in the ways that matter most.

Private Message to Hydra

[alt_justin]

Dux,

I say, I'm so sorry about Effie. Remember when you were trying to write to me and got her instead? Poor thing, she was jolly well quaking in her boots at the thought you'd summoned her for horrid purpose. Perhaps that's why she knew about the spot. It's dashed unfortunate we couldn't conduct a more thorough search before now.

Apart from your father, has anyone taken you up on your overture? To get to know you again, I mean.

-J

Re: Private Message to Hydra

[alt_hydra]

No one yet. But I didn't expect that to happen right away.

Maybe that is why Effie knew of it. Though if someone goes far enough into the dungeons they'll stumble on it eventually.

I wrote Lizzie an owl, to tell her first. So she didn't find out by reading it here.

Re: Private Message to Hydra

[alt_justin]

That was thoughtful of you. Do you think they'll join your mother's faction? I say, we do need a collective name for them, what, since they're not all Councilwizards and they're not the proper Ministry anymore.

What do you think about that suggestion of Draco's, that we talk about having to hide our relationship for so long? (Yes, I've heard about it already.) I've thought about doing it before now but--well, it never seemed right, particularly as Fred and George are the only ones who've ever seemed to manage a post from two people simultaneously. I would feel well awkward if one of us told the story and not both of us.

Perhaps we could ask Fred if it's relatively simple?

-J

Re: Private Message to Hydra

[alt_hydra]

Collective name other than 'bad guys?'

It would help if we knew what they're calling themselves, I suppose. Mummy still keeps writing to the "loyal members of the council," though.

We could both tell the story from our own perspectives, in individual journal entries. In a way, I already started to, just by mentioning the secret stairwell. Even though I haven't mentioned you yet.

Would it be odd if you had to read about what I thought of you the first time we met and such? It was good things, if that helps.

Re: Private Message to Hydra

[alt_justin]

I was thinking of something a bit more catchy. Voldemorticians? Surely not.

I shudder to think what you thought of me, what. I expect I was quite helpless and rather gawkish.

Or perhaps we could write the account together and flip a coin to see which of us puts it up. I say, I don't know why I'm hesitant. Being able to openly say that we're married has been a goal for so long! I suppose now that we can, among the people who count, at any rate, what, it feels a private sort of story, after all. Which is jolly well absurd, isn't it.

-J

Re: Private Message to Hydra

[alt_hydra]

You were two years older than me (still are). I thought you terribly...big.

Do you really want to script something? I suppose I was imagining something more natural. Just like a conversation. That's how I wrote what I wrote today, as if I was just writing to myself, even though I was aware others could read it.

Whatever we do, it should be what feels right. And it doesn't have to be now, either.

Re: Private Message to Hydra

[alt_justin]

Only one year and nine months older, thank you. I'm not quite a cradle-robber.

You think we should have an open conversation to talk about each other and getting married? That sounds bally well terrifying. But you're right, it ought to feel natural, not as if it's a speech one's crafted. I say, not my usual approach to public statements. I could give it a go, I suppose. Not tonight, though.

Are you coming up soon? I thought I'd head in that direction.

-J

Re: Private Message to Hydra

[alt_hydra]

Someday one year and nine months will seem like nothing. It just seemed like a very large gap when I was thirteen.

You can do a speech if you want to, only I think I'd be bad at it. It would just sound very false, I think. For me anyway.

I can come up.

Private Message to H Lestrange

[alt_crouch_jr]

Playing Creep and Peep in your journal now?

Coy of you. Pretending to reveal yourself. Crafty.

Re: Private Message to H Lestrange

[alt_hydra]

Pretending?

Re: Private Message to H Lestrange

[alt_crouch_jr]

Pretending you gave more than two thoughts in two thousand to poor, dear, dead Effie Stevens.

For instance.

Pretending that you should be thought of as the sort of delicate child who retreats behind urns and within alcoves in the hidden turnings of disused cellars and stairs.

A pretty image, that.

And not you in the slightest.

Re: Private Message to H Lestrange

[alt_hydra]

I told you that I didn't show you all sides that I have. I guess you didn't believe me.

Re: Private Message to H Lestrange

[alt_crouch_jr]

The delicate, damaged daffodil is no side of you at all. The ability to forge its appearance is a skill. And to your credit.

You may have done the things you describe (hiding things in secret nooks, disappearing into dark corners of the castle), but the picture you're spinning from them is an illusion meant to misdirect the eye.

Your mother may be taken in by this business. Perhaps Rod is, as well? In the first instance, it's easy to see why you've found it useful. If she sees only the shimmering illusion of frailty and misses your strength, that's to your advantage.

Re: Private Message to H Lestrange

[alt_hydra]

Mummy could never make up her mind if I was soft, or if I was just very good at playing soft, to get the sympathies of others.

Maybe the two aren't so inseparable.

You write as if you believe yourself to be the only person who sees the "real me." Or what you think of as such.

Re: Private Message to H Lestrange

[alt_crouch_jr]

And you write as though you think that playing at having hidden depths is a game to catch my attention.

Is this what Monsieur, Votre Mari enjoys? He believes he's married a damaged child who needs his protection and ownership?

Did he appreciate this essay? Still courting his affections?


It is quite a romance you've scratched out here, full of secret thoughts and feelings, hiding places in which to tuck yourself away and curl up. (So alluring.) And then the irresistible bit about your tender seven-year-old self, nursing a fledgling dove. A well-practised device.

You may have missed your calling as a writer of bodice-rippers.

Re: Private Message to H Lestrange

[alt_hydra]

This is the first time you've ever even brought up the subject of Justin, however indirectly. Why now, I wonder.

I did make up one part. The dove died.

Or maybe I'm making up that I made that up.

It would be fun to write bodice-rippers, only I'd surely blush when I got to the parts that were titillating.


What do you want anyway, Barty?

Re: Private Message to H Lestrange

[alt_crouch_jr]

It would be interesting to see you blush. And be titillated.

You flush with the heat of a fight, and it looks well on you, but that's different.

Re: Private Message to H Lestrange

[alt_hydra]

I know what you're doing.

Good-bye.

Re: Private Message to H Lestrange

[alt_crouch_jr]

The dove always dies.